What to say (and not to say) to someone going through a layoff (2026 Update)

Note: I first wrote this post a couple of years ago. I’ve recently updated it to reflect the unique challenges of today’s market — but what remains unchanged is the invaluable support of friendship.

How to be a friend with an unexpected job loss

When a good friend, work bestie, or family member is dealing with a layoff, it can be tough to know what to say or do. You care about them and want to be there. When in doubt, speak from the heart, do a lot of listening, and know that your presence alone can make such a positive impact. Here are some of my favorite ways to offer support:

Just reach out

Think back to a difficult time in your life and think about who showed up and was there for you; it means everything. When someone goes through a layoff, it can feel like you're walking on eggshells, not wanting to say the wrong thing. Trust me, by reaching out at all, you will offer immeasurable kindness. Feel free to keep it simple, with something like: 'I've been thinking of you and don't know what to say; I just want you to know I'm here for you.' Additionally, the social isolation of experiencing a layoff cannot be understated; this time of high uncertainty is compounded by the loss of a work social community, often very suddenly. You'll never know the heartwarming impact of your connection.

Stay in touch

After making initial contact, you might wonder when to connect again. Touch base whenever you think of them, even if it's just to say hi or send a funny gif. You may feel uncomfortable if you are still at the same company. Rest assured, we cherish our work friends since we see each other so often. Remembering them with a text or phone call as the weeks/months go on will bring much joy, support, and comfort.

Just listen

Ask how it's going and just listen. Try not to offer solutions; this is an evolving time with a lot of emotions. Listen, support, encourage, and just be a friend. Refrain from giving advice; there are often other factors at play with finances, family, health, relationships, and extenuating circumstances they may not be disclosing. Also, you may want to focus the conversation more on them, refraining from sharing too many 'work stories'. It's just so raw. If there's an inside joke or you want to convey how much they are genuinely missed, by all means, speak from the heart; just be aware and sensitive, and let them take the lead when possible.

Stay grounded

Equally, do not push them to do anything rash. It can be hurtful and financially detrimental to suggest taking extreme measures. As tempting as it may be, try not to share your wildest pipe dream and how you've always wanted to chuck it all, cash in your savings, and go live on an island. The person who just lost their job is sorting through a wide variety of new ideas, plans, and concerns for their finances and personal fulfillment. Let them have the time and space they need to reset and recalibrate with calm, thoughtful action. Be mindful about assuming or referencing finances

Everyone's financial situation is unique and personal. In addition, severance packages can vary dramatically between generous and meager, and most people don't realize that unemployment payments vary by state, offer partial benefits for a short period of time, and have typically not been updated in decades. It's also a vastly different landscape, financially and emotionally, for someone who is single or in a partnership (each with its own set of concerns), a parent/caregiver, or taking care of their own parent(s); and, there are varying personal savings, ongoing health costs for the person, or many other scenarios that they may or may not be sharing.

Encourage self-care

The emotional and physical toll of unexpected job loss can be substantial. Arrange to go for a walk together, grab a coffee, or bring your favorite pet to visit. Taking time to rest and restore is critical during this time, equal to job searching when they get to that point. As a coach, I have seen far better outcomes when a job search strategy includes self-care and often a faster time to secure employment. We need our energy, sleep, and strength. Be open about mental health and well-being

Our personal identity is tied to work, and for most of us, our daily routines revolve around our jobs. It can be jarring to suddenly not have a place to go in addition to the very real financial stress of a layoff experience. Support is everything. We're all carrying so much these days; everyone can benefit from a professionally trained, compassionate listener in the form of a great therapist or mental health counselor, especially someone going through a job shift. Better yet, create a comfortable conversational space proactively. Casually make it known that you believe in holistic health and wellness, and that you understand this is a major life interruption. If ever they'd like help in finding therapeutic resources, let them know you would be happy to help. Many severance packages also come with access to free or reduced-cost therapy, behavioral health, or EAP resources.

Make it okay to get a part-time job (but don't push it)

It can be helpful to consider obtaining a part-time gig with a nice boss – for many reasons including the paycheck, interacting with people, a sense of community, adding structure to your week, the chance to try something new, and reminding yourself that someone has just hired you. Registering with a temp agency is also a good option. Sometimes, people feel embarrassed to seek part-time work and what's worse is when those close to them make them feel bad about it – or inaccurately perpetuate a myth that 'a job search should be your full-time job'. I do not believe in the latter; the job market is such that everyone needs breaks and to do other things. For some, the income of a part-time job is needed, plain and simple. That said, for others, whether for health reasons or other personal circumstances, a part-time role is not a helpful option. I've seen too many people feel pushed into things that don't fit them during a transition. Each of us has agency, and as friends and family, one of the best things we can do is to support that. Volunteering can be wonderful and meaningful, and joining social groups can be a bright spot, but again, it's good if it's the person's choice rather than an unsolicited suggestion.

Refrain from giving career advice

I know this one is hard. Share job leads, opinions, and introductions only when asked. Really try not to offer career advice and instead encourage them to work with a coach. A lot has changed in hiring and this particular market is unprecedented. Your friend is likely considering many different options and/or starting a job search for the first time in years. My heart breaks when anyone receives and acts on bad career advice; doubly so when this person is in between jobs. Similarly, I see partners/parents/friends oversimplify the hiring process and it ends up making the job seeker feel worse. Just be a supportive friend or family member, and encourage them to connect with an experienced coach.

Honor personal agency

One of the most hurtful things to tell a job seeker is anything related to 'take anything.' I feel this removes someone's sense of control and choice over their own life, and can actually be very damaging. Financial necessity is real, and I fully recognize and respect that sometimes we do need to take work that is not ideal – almost all of us have done it. Most of us would also wish we didn't have to and wouldn't want someone else to go through that. But to tell someone who is grieving a job shift they did not ask for can truly rob them of their own ideas for fulfillment and how they want to spend their day. What a gift, instead, to listen, support, and encourage their ideas.

Stay optimistic

Above all, stay focused on being there for your friend, sharing only positive or empathetic thoughts about hiring. It can set job seekers back weeks or even months to hear friends, partners, and family members comment on how awful the job market is. The truth is people can get hired at any time. It is a tough market right now; everyone knows this. Instead, what we need in times like these are support, resilience, and the space to navigate it at our own pace, coupled with effective job search strategies, tangible job leads, great introductions to hiring managers, and some good old-fashioned luck. It takes an immense amount of effort to get (and stay) motivated in a job search; please only be supportive. By the way, this is not the same as 'toxic positivity'; no one tends to like that.... In fact, I feel it's important to truly validate how hard things are and offer care, nonjudgment, understanding, and friendship.

Your kindness means everything

It's common for people to retreat during a job search and more so after a layoff experience. Be the one who courageously and compassionately reaches out to offer friendship, love, and support. Your goal is not to solve anything, but rather to be there to listen, encourage, give them a great big hug, and remind them how awesome they are.

Sending wishes for everyone to find amazing new jobs soon.

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